A little progress report.

So I realized I don't have a list anywhere of all the plays I've completed so far. Some of these plays have been staged in one way or another. Some I'm wildly submitting to things at the moment. If any of them seem in any way interesting to you please give me a holla' at lyudmila.golubov@gmail.com to read the full thing or just chat a bit.

Plastic People in Waiting
1 Act Play. 45 minutes. 6 F. 2 M.
Dr. Cohen’s secretary is dead. His office is a mess. Six zany characters vie for one last chance to meet the Dr before he jets off to Brazil. Who makes the cut?

The Face Of
1 Act Play. 45 minutes. 2 Females. 1 Male.
Borrowing a movie star’s face seemed like a great career move for Alice Whitaker. Unfortunately, even the prettiest faces have ugly stories.

In a Relationship
Solo Show/ Short. 25 minutes. 1 F.
Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl to be in a relationship. Girl internet stalks boy. It’s complicated.

Tell Tale Text
Short. 15 minutes. 1 F. 3 M.
A harrowing tale of a phone that wouldn’t silence and a man driven mad by the sound.

Friends & Monsters
Short. 10 minutes. 2 Lady Gaga Impersonators. Walk on Entourage.
Sometimes the things we want aren’t as simple as they appear. Drag can be deceiving.

Speed Dates with Imaginary Men
Short. 10 minutes. 1 F. 5 Males. (Actors can play more than one part.)
You know those guys that seem so great in all those romantic movies. See what happens when you go on a speed date with them.

Very Bad Speed Dates

An excerpt from speed dates with imaginary men, a ten minute play told in five dates.

CAROLINE
You went to jail?

LUKE THE DUKES
Can’t avenge your father’s death without killing a man.

CAROLINE
You killed a man?

LUKE THE DUKES
Had to babycakes. It was a matter of honor. Look see this
here..this skull with the knife through it, it’s a reminder...to die fighting.Look at it everyday in the john.

CAROLINE
What does the snake mean?

Luke takes off his shirt to reveal a gigantic
back tattoo.

LUKE THE DUKES
The rattler’s crawling through the barbwire to reach a
rose. See this writing there under my traps. It’s Japanese for every rose has its thorns.
It’s a reminder of Angela-


CAROLINE
Did Angela die?

LUKE THE DUKES
I wish. Snake woman betrayed me...during the war.


CAROLINE
Which war?

LUKE THE DUKES
The big one.

Here! Here!

So the time is nearing...my play "Plastic People in Waiting" will soon hit the stage. If you haven't reserved tickets yet, please do call 646-329-6588. It'll make me like you a whole lot. Plus I've got seats to fill people.

So goes the elevator pitch:

Dr. Cohen's office is overbooked. His secretary is dead. And Betty, the temp, is left to pick up the pieces. Meanwhile an aging star, a precocious schoolgirl, a pageant mom and a peculiar therapist, all vie for a last nip and tuck with the Doctor before he jets off to Brazil. While they wait, tension builds, personalities clash, and secrets are revealed, ensuring that no one leaves this Doctor's visit unchanged.

Showtimes are: March 12 at 6, March 13 at 7 and March 17 at 6

At the Manhattan Repertory Theatre

303 West 42nd Street

City: New York, NY 10036

If you like a funny story with a dark twist, and lots of boob and vagina references, this play's for you! Check out the facebook event page for details on the cast.

My next play hitting theaters this March

What you don't like about yourself.

An excerpt from a one act play.

DR. COHEN

We’ll just take a little out of here and here. Very nice. Now, have you considered Pig?

Dr. Cohen begins to draw lines around the contours of Cynthia's chin.

CYNTHIA

What?

DR. COHEN

Swine injections, instead of Restylane. The results are remarkable.

CYNTHIA

Why not? Suck it up and fill er up with bacon.

DR. COHEN

I knew that would cheer you up. I know this is a hard ti--

CYNTHIA

--No need to be polite. I know. You know. Everyone in this city knows. It’s perfect fodder for the tabloids. My daughter says it’s already on the blogs, not that I read them. Broadways oldest star…

DR. COHEN

You’re not the oldest…

CYNTHIA

… abandoned for a twenty year old cirque contortionist.He left me for a circus freak. Can you believe that? She doesn’t even speak English, you know, some kind of Philipino, the men they like those now I suppose, they’re quiet. I’m never quiet.

DR. COHEN

No that you aren’t. May I suggest something else?

CYNTHIA

I was thinking about doing the thighs too. I might have a dance number. They’ll probably just throw a couple of glittery gays in front of me. And I’ll stand there like a tree in the background. I might have to shuffle my leaves around for a bit.

DR. COHEN

Perhaps, considering what happened with your husband and all, you might want something new. My other clients your age love this. It’s really rejuvenating they say, like starting fresh. Are you familiar with labiaplasty?

CYNTHIA

Dr. Cohen. Really I -

DR. COHEN

-Take a look (he pulls out some images from one of his folders) Women who’ve had children they aren’t the same of course. And many of my clients have found that men these days, prefer a youthful look.

CYNTHIA (she drops it back on the table)

Why I…

DR. COHEN

It might improve your chances with a new man.

CYNTHIA

The situation is not as desperate as it seems, I assure you.

DR. COHEN

I understand.

CYNTHIA

-I was just thinking I could leave down there how it is, for old time sake you know. I mean it ain’t exactly out there on stage.

DR. COHEN

I’m sorry I was only thinking of what other divorce —

CYNTHIA

-I’m not divorced yet and that was not why- I mean my-

DR. COHEN

The stretching is a natural sign of aging.

CYNTHIA

I’d like to think it aged gracefully.

DR. COHEN

So…the stomach, thighs, and the facelift then. Though, I would seriously consider… (He begins to move the pen toward her crotch region. She recoils.)

CYNTHIA

I’m going to have to go.

DR. COHEN

Mrs. Meyers we’ve done so well all these years, I don’t understand why you’re pulling the dramatics on me now.

CYNTHIA

Dramatics. Read my lips, I’m keeping them as is.

Cynthia puts out her cigarette on the documents. She pulls up her pants. She storms out of the office with her shirt partly buttoned. She bursts into the waiting area.

An excerpt from Selling Death in 30 days...

Death interrupts a creative director on his lunch hour. Said creative director is non-too pleased:

ED
You're death?

MR. X
If you need a name.

ED
I can't die. I really don't have time for this actually.

MR. X
You can’t refuse.

ED
No, but I can make you a better offer.

MR. X
One can’t bargain these things.

ED
Your brand sucks.

MR. X
Brand? I’m not a brand. I’m a reality.
I’m the most profound of realities, I’ve
been here since the beginning of time —

ED
-- You’re a has been. Yesterdays news.
A dying brand.

Mr. X
Funny.

ED
Life. Life is all everyone cares about. And everyday
we live longer. And longer. It’s a matter of time before science
catches up to you. You have no unique selling proposition.

Mr. X
I have inevitability.

ED (out of breath)
There’s always something newer, better, shinier with fancy
technology. Even now, there’s vaccines. And cloning. And
Whole Foods. Your shelf life is almost up.

MR. X
Death doesn’t end.

ED
No it just dwindles. And becomes obsolete.

MR. X
I’m listening…

ED
You can’t beat life. Unless people can be convinced to
seek you out. To want death.

MR X
Why would people want death? No one every wants
to see me.

ED
But they do. I sell death everyday. Think about it.
High fructose corn syrup. Cigarettes, Look it says it on the box.
And they love it. I can make you big.

Mr. X
I like the sound of that.