What you don't like about yourself.

An excerpt from a one act play.

DR. COHEN

We’ll just take a little out of here and here. Very nice. Now, have you considered Pig?

Dr. Cohen begins to draw lines around the contours of Cynthia's chin.

CYNTHIA

What?

DR. COHEN

Swine injections, instead of Restylane. The results are remarkable.

CYNTHIA

Why not? Suck it up and fill er up with bacon.

DR. COHEN

I knew that would cheer you up. I know this is a hard ti--

CYNTHIA

--No need to be polite. I know. You know. Everyone in this city knows. It’s perfect fodder for the tabloids. My daughter says it’s already on the blogs, not that I read them. Broadways oldest star…

DR. COHEN

You’re not the oldest…

CYNTHIA

… abandoned for a twenty year old cirque contortionist.He left me for a circus freak. Can you believe that? She doesn’t even speak English, you know, some kind of Philipino, the men they like those now I suppose, they’re quiet. I’m never quiet.

DR. COHEN

No that you aren’t. May I suggest something else?

CYNTHIA

I was thinking about doing the thighs too. I might have a dance number. They’ll probably just throw a couple of glittery gays in front of me. And I’ll stand there like a tree in the background. I might have to shuffle my leaves around for a bit.

DR. COHEN

Perhaps, considering what happened with your husband and all, you might want something new. My other clients your age love this. It’s really rejuvenating they say, like starting fresh. Are you familiar with labiaplasty?

CYNTHIA

Dr. Cohen. Really I -

DR. COHEN

-Take a look (he pulls out some images from one of his folders) Women who’ve had children they aren’t the same of course. And many of my clients have found that men these days, prefer a youthful look.

CYNTHIA (she drops it back on the table)

Why I…

DR. COHEN

It might improve your chances with a new man.

CYNTHIA

The situation is not as desperate as it seems, I assure you.

DR. COHEN

I understand.

CYNTHIA

-I was just thinking I could leave down there how it is, for old time sake you know. I mean it ain’t exactly out there on stage.

DR. COHEN

I’m sorry I was only thinking of what other divorce —

CYNTHIA

-I’m not divorced yet and that was not why- I mean my-

DR. COHEN

The stretching is a natural sign of aging.

CYNTHIA

I’d like to think it aged gracefully.

DR. COHEN

So…the stomach, thighs, and the facelift then. Though, I would seriously consider… (He begins to move the pen toward her crotch region. She recoils.)

CYNTHIA

I’m going to have to go.

DR. COHEN

Mrs. Meyers we’ve done so well all these years, I don’t understand why you’re pulling the dramatics on me now.

CYNTHIA

Dramatics. Read my lips, I’m keeping them as is.

Cynthia puts out her cigarette on the documents. She pulls up her pants. She storms out of the office with her shirt partly buttoned. She bursts into the waiting area.